I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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