Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
