I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize