going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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