YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
