I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That accounts for only three of the penises
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
