Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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