She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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