What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize