i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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