Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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