So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
