I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
