It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
