put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
