How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
