im about as happy as oj after his trial
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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