She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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