I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize