just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
