If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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