she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
