You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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