just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
