she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
