fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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