is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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