So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
