I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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