I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
