that's an acceptable place to lick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
