Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
