Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
