he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
