Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
