let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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