Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
