He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
