Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
