my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize