I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
