CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
