I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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