I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
