My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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