she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
