did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
