hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
