Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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