The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize