Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
