Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
this will be a night to untag.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
