forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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