i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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