They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
