And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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