It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
